Nerves and Learning Curves

I've been taking piano lessons from a really wonderful teacher at NJ School of Music for 6 months or more (have lost track) and Lar confirms that I've been progressing....I am much more comfortable at the piano now, and loving every minute of practice.

At practice.

It's the classes that are killing me! I get a song so I am very comfortable in thinking that by George, I've got it....keys are right, tempo is getting there....I feel good about it. And then I get in front of my teacher. OMG! Is it possible that I, who have really never had any trouble with stage fright....can get up in front of any crowd and "talk" cannot get 5 notes in a row right in front of David? I make what I feel is a total fool of myself. And I blather "but you should hear me at home!" and he pretends to believe me.

Trouble is, I haven't even been able to record myself because I'm almost as bad when the recorder is going.

But today I gave myself a good talking to. I sat myself down and got er done. And I sent this to my teacher.

And I'm posting it too.

I really am learning. I just don't seem to want anyone to know.

Days Off

    When you are living with your best friend and love, it is easy to think about retirement at my age. He has pretty much learned to read when I need space, when I need to disappear into a book (he does the same), or when I need to "create" and have to have my hands on something with which to do so (paper, fabric, photos, whatever), and he gets when I need comforting presence. He's even come close to learning when I burst with need to chat. He comes very close to tolerating that.

We took Friday off and had such a good day - in a rhythm that isn't always there, but when it is, it is perfect. We "chilled" with books in the morning. I played the piano a lot. We went to the gym, I think only because if I didn't get back to the gym soon, I was going to - oh I don't know - maybe go insane. We took a leisurely lunch at Subway and then returned home. We each did our various tidbits of things for a while and then we went to the movies.
We thought we might see Alice in Wonderland in Imax 3D. Turned out, the Imax version was gone, and the 3D one wouldn't show for another hour. So we sat in the sun-warmed car and read until time to go in. We loved the movie!
It was such a lovely, relaxed, companionable day.
Would retirement give us more days like that?
The next morning I went to the dentist. We've been going to the same dentist for about 42 or 43 years. He knows us.
He said, "so, how is Lar? Not thinking of retiring is he?"
He continued, "if he retires, it will be very bad for you. Either, you will be a widow very quickly, you will be a nursemaid, or you will be in prison. You will have killed him!"


Ummm, maybe we better cherish days off here and there.


What do you think dear readers?

March Goes Marching On.....Can't Wait for April!

     Yesterday, as is my usual habit, I got settled at my desk at work, took care of some immediate things and then made a cup of tea and began to read the paper.
     Status quo............
     until
I turned to the obits.  I read them every day, and more often than not I see someone I know, or know of...having lived the greater part of my life time in this area, that isn't so surprising.
I saw a last name I know.  I figure, well, it is likely some elderly aunt or uncle I might not even know.
And I read the full obit.
I then figure, well, I've certainly read that wrong.
I read it again.  The 31 year old wife of a young man we watched grow up.  His parents being two of our dearest, dearest friends.  His 31 year old wife is the subject of the obituary.  She leaves behind four young chilldren.  My disbelief is overwhelming.
I call our friends and discover that this young woman had passed away in her sleep a few days before.
What on earth can one say?
One offers to "help" but what, really, can one do?
Today I attended her funeral service.
The priest at St. Cecelia's outdid himself with support and kindness.  His sermon was really heart-felt, I think, and well done.
Where does that leave this young husband and father?  And his four dear, motherless children?
My goodness the pain you can feel in your heart for such as these.
God bless you Jen, with no more care, look down on your babies, help them fare - Know you will not be forgot, tho time will ease your family's pain, Help them to remember they will see you once again.

Took One for the Team, and Me

     J'ever wake up feeling as if you'd been beaten thoroughly with a baseball bat?  I mean knowing full well there is not a thing in the world really wrong with you, but unable to stand, move or think without something hurting and resulting in groans and moans and carrying on coming from somewhere - oh - wait - those sounds are coming from me!  I took one for the team for two whole days.  But mostly, truth be told, I took one for myself.
     I took Friday off (mandatory use of vacation time - thanks Township) to clean, prepare and set up and decorate for our annual St. Patrick's Day celebration (with a little St. David's Day thrown in to keep me honest to my core) and I demanded from myself just what I demanded when I was 25 or 30.  I pushed past the envelope and relished in being in my most favorite place...in my home...alone...doing all the things I (can you stand it?) truly love.  I sought out those dust bunnies who one day will take over the world....I steam cleaned all our floors with my newest most favorite toy - the Steam Shark - I did windows (yes, yes, I do do windows), I did mirrors, scrubbed bathroom fixtures, got all the laundry done, even the cold water wash pains in the neck that I never find time to do....I was a whirling dervish and I was humming and/or singing the whole time....I am such a 50's throw-back....it made me happier that most anything else can do.  I fitted in some piano practice (tho not as much as I should) but I never did fit in any reading...the other most fav.

     That night when Lar came home he offered to take me out to dinner....and I realized that if I were to try to change and get into an automobile, something might break off!  So I declined, and then reclined and stayed there until time to put the corned beef into the great crock pot and to brown the onions and beef for the Guiness stew and put that into another crock pot for the 'morrow.

     We had some take out on the patio, and for a little bit we relaxed and then I gathered up all my various mangled parts and eventually went to bed.

     And then came Saturday....one of my favorite days in the year...my family and friends were coming to gather around our table for our St. Patrick's repast.  This year there were 16 of us around that table....and it was such a delicious melding of people....everyone with their own story, with their own concerns, with their own particular background, joy and grief, coming together as family and it gives me such joy to host such an event.  Lar and I don't stop beaming the entire day....it gives back so much that when I "take one for the team", I am very much taking one for me and my dear husband...we get back so much more than we give.  When Ian arrived, he was decked out in his hand-made leprechan hat and brought us a "stained glass" window decoration that "I made that!"  So cute.  I had made the required corned beef and cabbage with red potatoes, Guiness stew (beef not lamb) and potato leek soup along with Irish soda bread. 

     It's Sunday now....it is still gorgeous weather outside....spring has come and hope abounds....for sick family members, for grieving friends, for expectant parents, for all the dear ones in our lives....thank You Lord.  Amen

March So Far

What if this had been snow?
To start - it would have been neater, tidier....and since the arrival of our new snow blower, we aren’t a-scared anymore!
     Our back yard is more flooded than I can recall….I don’t know how rain equates to snow, but it would be deep! Our new sump pump is making happy sounds. Apparently it has been set to run about every 3 minutes, water or not…..well it has water! Will they still be chanting “water shortage” this summer? If so, where will all this liquid have gone?

     Had the “bump” in the road with the biopsy that turned out ok.
     Had the “bump” in the road with our dear cousin who has turned out more scary – her’s is cancer – but will be treated, and I am confident will be treated successfully. God bless those who spend their lives in research and surgical skills making our lives more hopeful.

     Our friends’ son, a high school senior impressed the heck out of us last night. He has had the lead in Man of La Mancha – and at times the play was pretty much a typical high school play – Simon Cowell would not have been impressed. But there were moments of absolute gold – our goose bumps had goose bumps! We were stock-still in our seats, frozen in awe – the two leads – Luke Kappler as Miguel de Cervantes and Erica Cavaliere as Aldonza took us to the place to which theater intends to take one. We didn’t breathe….our eyes filled with tears….and if their talent continues to develop – you must remember – you heard their names here first! And I can’t say enough about the music made by the Cherry Hill East Pit Orchestra…made up entirely of East Students…if you heard it, you would be stunned.
     We had hoped to share this experience with our grandson, but the timing didn’t work….it was a magical evening. It never hurts to dream….even an impossible dream.

Touching

How I adore the way people and events touch me. Of course, there are the times when that touching brings pain and sadness. Those times are enriching as well....we are a sum total of touching, I think. Touching is the way life communicates with us - we come to the table untouched except by the angels. We come as white paper....and then Life begins to scribe...and once writ - moves on - and we are each, then, a story unto ourselves. And I fill up sometimes with the joy of it.


I'll tell you an example of the times that fill me that way.

Sitting in the Dr's office I am reading. I am reading a book that here and there could have been written by me....descriptions of childhood. Deeply engrossed I am doing some nervous thing with the tag I am using as a bookmark.

A heavy, COPD-like breathing, gasping African American lady comes in and sits one seat away. My consciousness becomes aware of her and I feel drawn to her. I feel kindness emanating from her.

She asks, "that thing you are doing....." "what are you doing?"

We smile. I explain that the tag has a sticky holographic foil part, and I've just been pulling it apart and sticking it back unmindfully....we both chuckle...and we have connected.

We sit companionably and I am called in to see the Dr.

I come out and she is still there, arranging her things. She stands to depart, but first she stops, she turns and she says, "God Bless You." And I think God hears her. I feel blessed.

Clean Report

I feel so good this week I couldn't imagine a bad test result...and I was right! That little mole had had too much sun, but was not CA! Sigh of relief.
So if anyone was looking to know....I just had the Dr. call me on my cell, from home, to say sorry it took so long, but all is well.
Nice way to end the day.
Amen